When I was 25-years-old,
I gave birth to my second child, a son named Jesse, who was born with the most
severe urological birth defect one can have. Ten years, 36 surgeries, and a
million dollars in insurance payments later, along with the loss of my mental,
physical, emotional, and spiritual health for having been a caregiver 24/7/365,
Jesse reached a point where he could live a normal life. He has since had a
dozen-plus more surgeries, but is currently living in Denver with his wife,
where he is happily married and functioning as a healthy, successful adult.
This story of pain and
loss, and my never-ending search for all that is lost in the ashes, is
chronicled in my first book Outer Edge of Grace. In that book, I ask many more questions that I attempt
to answer.
However, there is one
question I asked and to which I found the answer in Scripture. Did God make
Jesse like he was born? My paraphrase of Psalm 139: 13-14 says, “For Thou didst
form my inward parts when I was yet in mother’s womb. I am fearfully and
wonderfully made.” That was and is enough for me. Jesse, and all that he is,
was never an accident.
God in his faithfulness
and his mercy that is new every morning gave me, as Jesse’s mother, the
strength and courage to do what I never would have dreamed to do as a very
young woman. I am who I am today because of the challenges and the victories
I’ve experienced over the course of my life.
Bladder Exstrophy with
Epispadius Complex, the birth defect that Jesse had, is a neural tube defect,
occurring between five and six weeks of gestation, although it is not until
twenty weeks gestation that the bladder fills and empties and can be seen on an
ultrasound. Subsequently, many are being aborted because it’s so expensive and
time-consuming to care for these children.
Why this long commentary?
Because I ran across a powerful video tonight about abortion.
I have known women who
have had abortions. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ
Jesus.” My goal in this post is not to in any way judge. My goal is to inform
and educate. If one woman reads my post, watches this video, and chooses life
for her child, it is worth my time.
The video is narrated by
Anthony Levatino, MD, who is a practicing obstetrician and gynecologist. Dr.
Levatino performed over 1200 abortions. The video is very graphic and
disturbing. It should be. It is a video demonstrating the brutal murder of
unborn children, some of whom could survive outside of the womb.
Why am I sharing? Because
after Jesse was born, his father and I decided to have a third child. On the
day I found out I was pregnant Jesse had the first of twenty surgeries in
fifteen months of time. My oldest daughter, Joy, was only four-years-old. During
that first trimester, I lay on the cold tile of our bathroom floor, blaming my
ex-husband for getting me pregnant, bitter in that moment for the desperation I
felt, as the vomiting of my pregnancy seemed to never end.
I remember finding my
feet while wiping my mouth and leaning my weak body against the door jam. In
that brief moment I thought to myself, “I know why women go to the abortion
clinic,” which was not a mile from our home in Jackson, Mississippi. In that
same moment, I learned how very human I am. “But by the grace of God go I.”
And, in that same moment, I knew that I carried life inside of me and she was
worth the cost. I have my sweet Hannah today because of my conviction. That
moment shows only how very weak I am and that moment demonstrates how powerful
the Word of God is.
Please take four minutes
to watch this video. While it is gruesome in nature, it is no more gruesome
than what we watch on our televisions each night. Terrorists who kill en masse
are rampant in this world, while abortion clinics are open for business en
masse each day, everyday in the United States of America. The difference?
Terrorism is illegal and abortion is legal.
Thank you for taking the
time to read my story. And thank you for taking the time to share this post.
Remember: If one life is saved, it is worth my time and yours.
Sarah Beaugez
